Jew has a proven track record of water conservation. As a resident of San Francisco’s Sunset district, Jew and his family somehow were able to live using very little if any water during the entire time they lived there. And he has the water bills to prove it. Jew’s experience goes far beyond residential water conservation. “Jew’s experience running a flower shop that didn’t even have a water account will help California’s farmers develop ways to grow plants without the need for water,” said Tap E. Ocha, a member of the California Agricultural Water Board. After a bone-dry winter, all of California is bracing for a drought this summer. For example, Sonoma has instituted mandatory rationing and Southern California’s Metropolitan Water District has taken the harsh measure of asking people to please not water their precious Southern California lawns. Oh the humanity! But this is where Ed Jew can help. “Somehow Ed Jew was able to institute measures that reduced his family’s and his flower shop’s water use to almost zero,” said Q. Rick Lee, the Deputy Commissioner of the Water Conservation Authority. “We are hopeful that Ed can teach other Californians to live a water-free life like him.” Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has asked the CWCA to conduct a study of the financial impact of Jew’s water conservation program. “I believe that by reducing California’s water usage to almost zero, we will be able to sell our water to other states, or maybe even to Mexico, and make enough money to cover the lavish expenditures of the out of control Democrats who want to fund education.” Jew is commonly known as “Tapioca Ed,” apparently a reference to the ability of tapioca pearls to absorb and retain large amount of water. A rally is planned for today to launch Jew into his new position. Jew was last seen leaving his San Francisco residence singing “Rain drops keep falling on my head.” ********* This is a report of the Calitics Fake News Service. All facts sated herein and all quotes should be presumed to be made up in a sad attempt at satire. |
