"I'm Meg Whitman, and even though I've lived in this state since 1789, I've only voted twice, because voting is for little people. I want to be Governor and I have more money than God, so out of my way. I want to bring a business perspective to government, because those pooh widdow buhsinessey intwests, nowuhn evur wisstens to twhem. And that whole business perspective thing sure has worked out great for George Bush, Arnold and Goldman Sachs.
My plan for California couldn't be more simpleminded. I will:
1) Create jobs, mainly by giving myself and Larry Ellison ginormous tax cuts, so I can afford to buy this seat and he can afford another formerly-august sporting event ruining $40M yacht or three.
2) Cuts, cuts, cuts. Greedy community college students, working people and the elderly have had it too good for too long in this state.
3) Fix education. By "fix," I mean as in "...a horserace," not as in "...by dealing with the fact that our schools are more segregated than Alabama's in 1958."
I'm Meg Whitman and I approved this message. [cut to Larry Ellison here] Avast, California, and prepare to be boarded!"
